The tangible thoughts of a Social Butterfly

untitled

risebutterfly — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:04:35 +0000

I frustrate my friends. I don’t try to, I wish I didn’t but I do.

They think I’m playing myself or selling myself short. They think I’m settling. They just want me to be happy. I love them for that.

I’m the warden of my own prison sometimes. The fear of heartbreak paralyzes me, I can’t move. I’m stuck right here. I believe my happiness isn’t wrapped up in me having a significant other. Yet sometimes it’s like being at the mall with no money. So many people close to me are in budding and solid relationships and I feel like a missed the boat. Sometimes I’m fine right where I am. Paralyzed. I try to leave all my past heartbreak and aches in the past but in my quiet moments they slither into my thoughts. I think about the confusion and disappointment of rejection. I thought I had closure but the truth remains I really don’t know what went wrong. I was sucker punched every time. Too much time has went by to find out from the source. Do I really want to know anyway? Nope. What will it change? Not a damn thing.

They think I can do better. They think I can get better. They worry about me. I love them for that.

While for most this wouldn’t be the ideal arrangement for most but it’s working for me. For once, I’m not being sold a dream. The truth makes me feel free with him. There was never a song and dance. I get why they want more from it and why they are boggled why I don’t. It is what it is. Que sera, sera.

No more drama

risebutterfly — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 23:43:42 +0000

I often wonder why people can’t accept consequences. If you do something bogus, more than likely it’s going to come back on you. So many times people allow their insecurities to take over and they do the dumbest shit. A friend made me livid, he hurt my feelings in the worst way and all he could say behind it was “I was insecure”. People seem to step out of their bodies and do things that are stupid and hurtful.

Lately, I’ve been around someone who allowed their own insecurity take control and that person’s world collapsed. As sorry as I felt, that person didn’t accept the responsibility. Your own actions got you here. Once you get it together and face that..you’ll learn what you were meant to learn and it’ll work out for the best.

Be comfortable in your own skin. Play the cards you were dealt and keep it moving.

come closer to Shawn….

risebutterfly — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 02:13:21 +0000

My first ever talent based crush was on Shawn Stockman. Earlier today I watched Boyz II Men Unplugged on VH1 soul. It was old, from like 92. I used to loooooove Shawn Stockman, he was no looker but he had the best singer voice ever to me. He could hit the high notes and whatnot.

That boy can sang.

and here’s the footage that reminded me…

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t left you

risebutterfly — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 00:40:54 +0000

I’ve been quite busy so I have a random list…

Enjoy…

* Silly of me to expect a straight answer…I knew deep down that whatever response would be shallow with no details. I would’ve preferred a simple “nothing”

*Barack Obama is president…I can’t believe it.

*I’m extremely happy about Rahm Emmanuel because he’s a beast and there will be no Republican bullshit because he’s not gonna even let it fly. Dude is the political Chuck Norris.

*The joy of moving back up north is yoga classes everywhere. Yoga classes are the J&J Fish of the north side. I’m finna get my downward facing doggie on for real.

*I’m gonna miss Gram’s homecooking everyday

*I’m a pretty patient person and I can be very nice and generous but the nanosecond I feel hurt, disrespected, judged or insulted…it’s a wrap. I really need to work on not holding people’s flaws against them. I’m only human. I need to meditate on that a little more.

*I think since I used to be such a doormat that I lost my balance now that I’m not. Buddhism has helped a lot when it comes to sorting out my feelings and whatnot but I really gotta not feel the need to defend myself or my actions all the damn time. Suddenly not letting people walk all over me makes me the bad guy. Really?

*A-Rod (and not my good friend, Aaron but the ballplayer), come on now. Madonna? The last time she was hot enough for this to make sense was when Music came out. She has the great pilates body but babygirl needs a little botox around those eyes. Her age creeped up on her and suckerpunched her. I still think she’s the original maverick and kick ass but she’s a mom and old. Alex Rodriguez is fine as frog hair, young and did I mention fine.

*I need a new pair of Uggs. Yeah they are ugly but when the hawk comes they keep my toes nice and warm. I do hate to see chicks where them in the summer. These bitches are lined with sheepskin! Dumb ass sweaty foot hoes.

*I hate that I didn’t do anything for Halloween like I planned. I had phase one of the move.

*Last but not least, Scott my beloved Schnauzer is very ill and soon we’ll have some tough decisions to make. I know that a lot of people don’t understand and think “it’s just a dog” but he’s truly a part of the family.

what a difference a gay makes…

risebutterfly — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:25:12 +0000

I get annoyed when people say that they don’t like gays and their only reasoning is the Bible. It’s funny because there are a lot of sins outlined in the man written Bible. You aren’t supposed to have more than one kind of thread in your clothes. So if you own you any Coogi, you are pretty much going to hell. You aren’t supposed to eat shrimp or lobsters. Surf and turf = fire and brimstone. The Bible has been translated over and over. I’m so sure things have gotten lost in translation. I do not believe mortal humans can speak for a Supreme Being. Sorry. I just don’t.

I’ll be adding more later.

I must look old

risebutterfly — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 02:56:53 +0000

So today this guy hit on me at City Hall. I pass through it everyday to get to work (nice shortcut). This guy was like 50 years old and he tried to holla. At first I thought he was only being nice, polite even but dude was trying to be down with what I’m going through. I was flattered but then I’m like damn I must look old.

Last spring I worked the Obama campaign with my girl and one of the organizers thought she was my daughter. We are only about 3 years apart. It broke my heart a little bit. Mind you my friend is very thin and maybe it looked like she hadn’t hit puberty but damn.

It’s weird because I’m always trying to not look too young. I see things and not cop because I wanna look 29 and not like Frankie (Keyshia Cole’s mother who wears the same fits the as kids). I wonder if it’s my face, do I have an old face? Is it my new more subdued style? I dunno it sucks to think that
I look old.

biological clock

risebutterfly — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:43:10 +0000

I want a baby.

Like I know that having a kid right now would not be the move…but my biological clock is on thump mode. I love babies. How they look, how they smell, the cute little clothes. That is a horrible reason to give birth. Luckily, I’m logical enough to understand that these are natural urges and I choose not to let them go any further. Oh, but I want one. LOL! I just want to hold my baby in my arms and love him.

oh well….

in my lifetime, vol. 29

risebutterfly — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:55:15 +0000

I never had faith in this country. I’m fortunate to have made friends of all colors and races but I was always so convinced that there was vast majority of ignorance in this country. I am proud to be an American. I’m Black, but this was never about race for me. I felt let down in 2000 and 2004, like my vote didn’t count. I promised myself that this election I was doing a whole lot more than casting a vote. I traveled to Indiana and Kentucky to volunteer on this campaign. The 8am – 11:30 pm days, call banking, canvassing (sometimes in the projects) was all worth it and I’d do it again. I was happy to see so many people young and old out voting and being active.

Last night, my heart felt like it was going to explode. I spent the night almost afraid to go to sleep because I thought this was all a dream.

I am honored to call Barack Hussein Obama, my president.

election day

risebutterfly — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:57:56 +0000

I’m going to make this one short and sweet.

I am so elated, terrified, nervous and emotional. I’ve been fighting tears all morning.

I would like to thank Barack Hussein Obama for daring to change politics and for breathing air into the lungs of the DNC. Thank you for being the first one to end the defeated spirit the Democrats carried for years. I extend the deepest gratitute for making me believe in my own country again. Historically, minorities have been mistreated by a system set up to hold us down and back and Barack had the courage to take that risk to run for President. People think he should’ve waited and other various judgments but they can’t change these butterflies in my stomach, tears in my eyes, lump in my throat and joy in my heart.

you might think I’m crazy but I’m serious

risebutterfly — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 21:23:39 +0000

Janet Jackson the GOAT of female performer…she who built the house Beyonce, Ciara and Rhianna live.

Ms. Jackson (if you’re nasty) just came out with an inexpensive lingerie line. I’m normally over celebs and these vanity projects such as fragrances and clothing lines but this one got my attention. I love lingerie and pretty pannydrawls and bras. She even made the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders up to a G cup. So us members of the big titty committee can get us something. I saw it on TVOne’s Access. Unfortunately, there aren’t a whole lot of pics available of the line but the pewter and black joint is BOSS. She named it Pleasure Principle (my favorite Janet video –damn I wanted that hairstyle).

and just because I had to: